For Women, Can Too Much Ambition Be Toxic?

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Ambition is generally understood as a good thing, but is there a fine line between a healthy will to succeed and maximize your talents and an inability to appreciate what you have in the present? And are women in particular pained by the constant sense that they could be doing more?

Organizational psychologist and author Marcia Reynolds first came to these questions through her work coaching high-achieving women, many of whom she started to realize were perpetually moving the goal posts on themselves, redefining success as just a little further down the road. The result was anxiety, anger and whole lot of job hopping for these restless overachievers, whom Reynolds has dubbed “wander women.”

To help these women balance acceptance and ambition Reynolds wrote and today she talks to Entry-Level Rebel about why this is an issue for women specifically, why it’s happening now, and what those afflicted with the wandering bug can do about it. She also declares that women in their 20s are the biggest wanderers yet.

The wandering syndrome you identify in your book initially sounds like something that could just as easily afflict men. Why do you feel this is a particularly female issue?

Both men and women who are driven to achieve great goals are also plagued by a restless urge to find “something more” that keeps them feeling discontented, disappointed and often exhausted. The difference is that women tend to leave more quickly. The younger the women were in my study, the less likely
they would stay at a job for more than two years unless the company was big enough to move them around when they asked for it. Women are quicker to say, “Been there, done that, what’s next?” than men.

Also, if there is family involved, women are more likely to engage their family in how they will move on to the next opportunity together. Men are more likely to either stay on a job “for the family” or make the decision and then tell them about it.

Why is this wander bug a bad thing? Isn’t discontent with the status quo what drives us to succeed? Is it just a matter of degree?

I never want people to stop wandering! I want them to wander with purpose and to enjoy the present moment as well as future possibilities. If you move around too much, you may lose your sense of self and your sense of purpose in the process. That’s why the book provides specific steps on how to focus on feeling a sense of purpose in your work, not just on external achievements.

Why now? Why are you seeing so many more women who fit the “wander woman” archetype these days? Do you think it comes down to women’s expanded expectations — they’re no longer willing to settle?

The shift in mindset that created the dynamics of the wanderer started in the 1960s when it became more important to raise children with self-esteem than with respect for others (they are both important, but the priority changed). Now boys and girls are raised to believe they can accomplish anything and they are special. This is the first time in history that girls grew up hearing this message en masse. So now as adults, they feel the need to be seen as special and to accomplish great things — a goal that is never fully achieved because there is always something greater you can do than what you just accomplished. And once you accomplish great things, you still feel hollow inside, so you keep seeking more.

So yes, many women are not willing to settle for less than the best opportunities and circumstances. The problem is not only in asking if their expectations and standards are realistic, but in whether they can visualize what will make them feel satisfied. If not, it’s time to stop wandering for a moment and discover the answer to these questions.

Do you think many women in their 20s are heading towards this wander woman career mode as well? Is there any advice you’d give a young but driven woman early in her career to understand and deal with this feeling that something better is always just over the next hill?

I see the intensity of the wandering phenomenon increase the younger women are. It’s as if they never learned how to to enjoy a moment of doing nothing. The best advice I received when I was 20 was that you can lose everything in life at some point, but you never lose who you are. Remind yourself who you are every morning and throughout the day when you begin to feel uneasy, impatient and frustrated.

For women afflicted with the wandering bug, is the end goal to settle down and be content where they are? If not, what do you recommend they aim for?

I am not sure they will ever settle down. Therefore, my advice is to be clear on the direction you are headed, so you are moving toward something instead of just leaving what you don’t want behind. Discover what you enjoy and have the courage and persistence to follow a path that inspires your passion. Then every day, reflect on what you accomplished, what people you engaged, and what parts of yourself came alive. Don’t let thoughts about what you didn’t get done or who is standing in your way poison your revelry. The emotional shift is crucial to your long-term success. Enjoy your life as well as your accomplishments.