Independent of what motivates you, how you think about money, whether you tend to capitalize on your strengths or protect your weak spots… how will you ultimately grade yourself on overall career success??Will it be based on how long you stayed in the game? The level of influence or recognition you achieved? What about the quality and durability of your relationships? Personally meaningful and satisfying accomplishments? Financial security? Respect?

While enjoying my morning coffee, I generally read the obituaries. These concise profiles of the recently deceased interest me for a number of reasons (truly, what better way to begin the day than by not seeing your own name?) and I’m hardly the first to appreciate them as a bona fide literary form. It seems as if there’s a bit of competition going on from beyond the grave, too. Numbers of children, grandchildren and surviving spouses offer a snapshot of how the subjects surrounded themselves with others, assuring the reader that they were seldom, if ever, lonely. Details of education, military or community service, career achievements and leisure pursuits help us recognize a life lived to its fullest — or one cut tragically short. And unless it’s just me, I think there’s also a reflection, a natural process of self-comparison that goes on when we read them. We wonder or speculate what our own obituaries might look like and how our own descriptions will measure up…or not.

Let me go out on a limb for a second and say that comparison is a terrible thing. Rather than inspiring us to greatness, it cripples our ability to learn and grow by warping perspective. Of course it’s also fundamental to our culture, upbringing and education — woven into the fabric of one’s early identity. There’s nothing better than competition for driving a free-market economy, but for the individual, it’s psychological poison. Observe for an hour or a day, if you can, how much of your total thought process is the by-product of constant comparison and judgment. You may even discover that many of your opinions are merely defenses, insurance policies against feeling inferior or inadequate in someone else’s eyes. Such a huge piece of what we think, say and do is based on comparing ourselves with others and competing for the Big Prize…which is often hidden behind the curtain marked “Fame.” Or so we’re inclined to believe.

Now imagine that you’re 80 and looking back on a lifetime of activity. Examine your professional life for a moment and be completely honest about what matters to you…not what youthink you want, but what you really care about deeply. However much money you earned in your career, lots of folks made more. Yup, it’s true. Even though you probably put an ocean of time and effort and discipline into earning a livelihood, thousands (perhaps millions) who were less motivated, less energetic, less intelligent, less savvy — who worked less and planned less and sacrificed less — made much, much more. Some people starved, too, but you’re not so worried about them. You’re concerned about the ones who did “better” than you, the regrets and lost opportunities. Why?

Whether your job is running a $20 billion corporation, clearing the debris from logging trails in Oregon or providing?collagen injections for needy, thin-lipped patients in Beverly Hills, there will always be somebody who does it better, faster, more artfully or for bigger profits. Does that mean you’re a loser? Does even the “loser” make you wince?

Are you good at making money, or simply good at what you do? How do you fulfill yourself? Is it all relative? (Speaking of relatives…do you still need your parents’ approval, or have you moved on?)

Seriously…will you even know if you win your own contest?

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