I love the term “flight irregularity.” Airlines use it as a euphemism for mechanical delays, missing crew members, fuel problems, and yes, even weather.? And as euphemisms go, it isn’t a winner–it sounds like the airline is constipated. (And yes, I’ve been on flights that qualified for that same diagnosis.)

But “flight irregularity” is guaranteed to cause you a headache.? Unless you have a plan G.? Plan G? Of course, because plan A didn’t work, and B through F are also hopeless.

In order to fly from point A to point B these days, you have to be your own air traffic controller and — beware metaphor collision! — realize that you’re now playing a real-world game of aviation chess. You can’t move one piece without anticipating your – and your opponent’s — next five moves.

Impossible? Hardly. Because airlines are actually predictable in their behavior.

If a flight is delayed, it’s not just the plane, but the time limits of the crew. Did the plane you’re waiting for stuck overnight somewhere? Or are you waiting for a connection?

Ignore the departure boards. Departure boards are hopeless. Don’t even look at them. Instead, talk to a human being. Don’t ask if the flight is on time. It’s the tail number that counts. If you call and ask if the flight you want is on time, they’ll conveniently interpret your question to mean “Is it scheduled to leave on time?” Of course, it is. That’s meaningless. Instead tell the airline rep the flight number you’re scheduled to be on, then ask them to determine the tail number, or aircraft number of the plane assigned to your flight. Then ask where that tail number is. Bingo! Adjust expectations. If you’re on Flight 100 from New York to LA and the departure board shows it on time, and the aircraft number is 708 and….aircraft number 708 is currently in BELIZE, you know right away you’re not going to LA on that flight. Buck up. At least you’re the? first on your block to get the bad news. Check the GateGuru or a similar app that you wisely preloaded for the best place to drown your sorrows.
Get yours. The good news is, Rule 240 still lives. I know I”ll hear from those of you who disagree,? but I am personal proof positive the rule is still alive and well. Yes, later incarnations of it are ominously referred to as Rule 120.20, but those in the airline business all know what it means. In the event of any flight irregularity (there’s that term again) of any kind except weather-
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