So you think you have what it takes to be passive-aggressive. Did you say “Yes?” Do you really mean “Maybe?” Do you resent the directness of the question? Wondering what gives me the right to ask? If so, you may be embarking on one of the most demanding — and emotionally rewarding — adventures of your life.

The path of the true passive-aggressive is not for everyone. Sadly, there is no shortage of impostors. Forget the off-key humming in the next cubicle or the driver who pretends not to notice when you try to merge into his lane. Strictly amateur hour.? Likewise the procrastinator, the indolent, the weak-willed — none should be confused with the genuine article. It takes guts and it takes brains. This is about getting what you want without ever having to admit that you want it.

Avoiding confrontation and resisting change require a rare spark, similar to courage but without the moral foundation. Unable to make up your mind? Unwilling to distinguish between worthy and unworthy? These are not flaws, my friend. They’re core competencies.? Embrace them! Such valuable talents must be harnessed, molded and sharpened into potential weapons against those you perceive as threatening.

Basic to your world view, of course, is the conviction that nobody has the right to know how you actually feel. Thoughts are private, emotions sacred. . And no, it’s not up for discussion. You can stay the course only if you have a stomach for battle. We’re talking survival skills here. Your family, your job … indeed, your very selfhood is at stake.

Try this simple test. Say you run marketing for a Fortune 500 company which recently acquired a startup, one that had begun to nibble at your revenue base. As it turns out, their top marketing exec has a much better resume than yours, but since you’re on the buy side of the deal, the CEO has decided to let you share the position of Chief Marketing Officer with the other guy.? Co-CMO, that’s your new title. When your colleague shows up for his first day of work, do you:

Make it clear to him that you’re in charge because your company bought his. Openly defer to his greater expertise and tell him you’ll have much to learn. Leave an anonymous note for Legal and Human Resources saying that he’s been sexually harassing everyone on your floor.

Okay, that was easy. The correct answer, obviously, is B … and C.? Now try this. You’ve been working for six months on a customer segmentation analysis which is critical to your next product release, and it’s nearly done. Do you:

Complete the project as quickly and quietly as possible and present the data at the next senior staff meeting. Ask your partner to help add the finishing touches and present it together. Use your executive washroom key to destroy the paint job on his BMW.

A bit trickier, right? Again, B C. Is the profile coming into focus?

Here’s an extra credit problem for overachievers. Suppose you’ve been recruited by a competitor for a bigger role with more status and tons of cash. At your exit interview do you:

Tell the CEO that the team arrangement has been a disaster and that your departure was long overdue. Tell the CEO that you hate to say goodbye, but it’s always been your family’s dream to live in Akron. Tell the CEO basically nothing, but a week after you leave, send a letter explaining that your former colleague’s behavior created a hostile work environment … and that they’ll both be hearing from your attorney.

Don’t have to give you the answers anymore, do I? Congratulations, you plucky grad! Now go out and spin something wild and surreptitious with that freshly hatched power of yours. Better hang on tight, because the challenges will start multiplying. React too quickly and you run the risk of exposure. Hesitate too long and you might forfeit the prize to a less qualified adversary. And believe me, they’re out there, ready to take away every shred of self-determination you’ve worked so hard to conceal.

There’s no need to wait for inspiration. You can do this today, in the office or at leisure, without any rationale at all. Just remember that no commitment is binding — — other than the commitment to stay in control. And the best practice, the way to really build up calluses, is to say nothing of substance when asked. They’ll get the message eventually, after it’s too late. Then we’ll see who’s sorry for not asking you:

Sooner More nicely On bended knee All of the above

 Tag: Accounting jobs | Banking jobs | Manufacturing jobs | Life Sciences jobs | Human Resources jobs | hr jobs | marketing jobs | Procurement jobs | Supply Chain jobs | Secretarial jobs | Office Support jobs | Risk Management jobs | Chemical jobs | Process jobs | Electronic jobs | Environmental jobs | Quality jobs | Quality Assurance jobs | Compliance jobs | Training jobs | IT Management jobs | Programming jobs | Systems Administration jobs | Brand Management jobs | Product Management jobs | Market Research jobs | Commercial jobs | Contract jobs | Planning jobs | Construction Management jobs | Real Estate jobs | Pharmaceutical jobs |